kindness: the married kind

October 9, 2013



1. Saw that Starburst made candy corn this year and picked up a bag for him to try.
2. Bought a lens cleaning disc and attempted to fix our wii and PS3 consoles, both out of commission.

This past Monday kicked off Tyson and Cami's  25 Acts of Kindness Challenge. Sean is away from home forever and ever in September/October due to coaching, so we have next to no chance of winning, but I wanted to participate anyway. What I didn't anticipate is feeling torn about putting things on my list.

3. Dropped the clothes he sorted through off for donation.
4. Did laundry.
5. Had dinner timed for when he got home.

I mean, most of these things I do often anyway. I generally always do the laundry, and I don't see making dinner as an act of kindness. People have to eat! I would have picked that candy up, list or no list.

6. Agreed to sit and watch tv with him, putting aside the things I was doing. (ok, that one is a bit harder for me.)
7. Back scratches.

Most of what I've put on the list is routine. I imagine most of the completed list will be routine.

8. Picked up the *!*# dishes he left out by the tv stand again and put them in the dishwasher.
9. Picked up the !)*&# socks he leaves in the living room and put them with the laundry where they belong.

I mean, are those two more for him, or more for me? I do them just about every day regardless (even though some days I want to let them pile up to see if he cracks and puts them away)

10. "Coach hard, have fun, I love you!" text.

I try to always tell him that before a game. Sean is a volleyball fanatic (surprise) and one group he played with had read an article that the best thing to tell your kid pre-game was "play hard, have fun, I love you." So, I would tell the whole team that before they played (these are all grown, mostly married men and I was often the only significant other present). That stuck and I changed it over once he started coaching.

Routine again. Sigh. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Most of my nice things seem to already be in my repertoire. It's good that I'm already doing them, but why am I not thinking of new things?

On the other hand, someone out there has given up. They probably don't even know they've dropped the routine kindnesses to simply watch out for themselves. They can make themselves a sandwich and let their spouse fend for themselves. They don't stress about finding new ways to be nice, but they aren't even showing common courtesy or grace - "his job is to take out the trash, so I'm not gona do it even if he did work overtime." "She stays home all day, how hard would it be to turn on the dishwasher?" That's dangerous thinking, friends. The score keeping intended by this challenge is to challenge yourself, not judge your spouse!

Sean is getting to work at 6 am so he can get a full shift in before coaching and coming home no sooner than 7 pm. He's tired, but he's not a jerk. He still hugs me hello and asks if he can get me anything when he goes into the kitchen. Making a list isn't on his mind, and that's fine by me-  I can think of the things that would be on it - the things, like me, that he would have done, list or no list:

1. Stayed with Bekah post surgery despite hatred of hospitals.
2. Removed the sticker from her car when traitorous company screwed her over.
3. Wipes the snow off her car and warms it up in the winter, even though we both hate cold and mornings.
4. Drives because she's not a fan.
5. Back pops. Every day.
6. Buys flowers before an Arbonne event to say "good luck."
7. Changes the TP when it runs out (none of my female roommates ever managed to get this one, but he did, no training necessary!)


8 comments

  1. Loved this :) Makes me want to join in on the kindness giving!

    xo fal
    falfindshappiness.blogspot.com

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  2. Looks like you are doing pretty good. It sounds like from all the posts that I have read that you guys have a great marriage!

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  3. It's definitely a good thing that kindness is such a big part of your every day lives together!

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  4. Girl, you betta WERK. At least you know your winners in your marriage. Isn't that the whole point? Wait, look at me sounding like a cheesy hallmark card.

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  5. If only I could get Alan to change the tp roll... :-) Even if it's "routine," it sounds like a great list. Look at it this way, you're already doing so many ki.d things that it's not really a challenge!

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  6. I found this totally beautiful and inspiring. It's those every day acts of kindness that make a difference in a marriage. Blessings.

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  7. This is so sweet! Not that we need to keep tabs but it's sure nice to think about!

    Lauren
    Exploring My Style

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  8. I am so glad you did the challenge and you TOTALLY beat me. :) I had the hardest time too, I thought I would cream everyone and have tons of nice things to do, but I felt bad putting things on my list that I already do. But it was really good and pushed me and made me happy that even though I didn't notice it, we are both showing our love for each other all day long. You and your hubby really are awesome! Thanks for being so nice and supporting Tyson and his blog. :)

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