married life: the hardest moments

June 12, 2013

We've been married three years now, but I'm a June bride too. Plus, I love many of these ladies. You bet I'm linking up! This week's topic is "hardest moments from the first year."


I've said this before and many have agreed with me: it seems like married women try to scare you when it's your turn to get married. I was constantly being told that the first year was the hardest.

Sean and I had been dating five years when I walked down the aisle and we didn't have any real conflict til 2-3 years in. So on one hand, I was thinking "yeah, right!" On the other, I was wondering "what do they know that I don't? I don't want to be that couple who argues over what cereal to buy!"

The couple who skips together, stays together

Thankfully, we weren't. And still aren't. The only food "argument" we've had was this past year when I finally called him out on putting hot sauce on everything I cook. To me, that meant he hates my cooking. To him, that means he just really likes hot sauce. He said something to his boss one day and discovered they have had the exact same conversation!

Off the rabbit trail and back to the topic at hand...the hard moments. Honestly, I came out of our first year deciding that everything sucked EXCEPT our marriage. Here's a little timeline:


  • 2-3 weeks before the ceremony: We are on our way to AT Days. We stop for lunch and I check my e-mail on my phone (my LG EnV3- didn't have a smart phone yet!). There is an e-mail from my boss saying my replacement had been hired and my job was up come the end of the month. (I was an intern turned part time employee. They knew I was graduating college and would be seeking a full-time job. One I hadn't found yet despite a whole semester of job fairs and applications)



  • Home from the honeymoon: Jamaica was certainly enjoyable, but of course we had to come home to reality. The harsh reality started with living with his mom. Not that we don't like her, but really, what newlywed wants to live with parents? We hadn't found a place because we didn't know where I would be working (I applied in many states), so we spent two months at hers while I continued to look with no success!



  • Two months in: Yay! We finally moved in to our own place. Living with Sean's mom had brought up some conflict and I was ready to go (we're fine now). We ended up at an apartment a mile up the road - with still just one income. All our wedding gift money that could have been a down payment for a house ended up going towards the deposit and first month's rent. 



  • Three months in: Finally! Some interviews! And just in time, because the rent was due in two weeks and we didn't have enough to pay it. I did what I had to do and accepted the first job that was offered to me, knowing full well I didn't want it. I remember hanging up the phone and bursting into tears because I didn't want to work there. The hours were bad, the people were mean and backstabbing, and the job had nothing to do with my field of study. At least the rent would be paid.

  • The New Year: I had managed to still use my parent's health benefits to the end of the calendar year. Now it was a new year and I was uninsured. No more birth control and no affording paying a doctor cash to prescribe me some. Obviously if we couldn't afford that, we couldn't afford a pregnancy. A friend slipped me some of her pills to hold me over, and a nurse we knew got someone to write me a refill prescription. We bought a $20/mo discount plan to bring the cost of the pills down some. Oh yeah, my ear surgery that I talk about? I'm pretty sure that's a result of an ear infection we couldn't afford to have treated while I was at said uninsured job.


We worried much, and it's interesting to look back on this now. I haven't for some time. I try to forget it. This is my first time writing all this down and I can see what I didn't see then: God was (and is) good. Things didn't go the way we wanted them to, but he provided all our needs. We have a place to live, we both have jobs, my immediate medication need was met, and now I am at a job that offers insurance. It isn't perfect, but it is better.

And you know what didn't suck during that first year? My husband. He supported me even through conflict with his mother, he encouraged me when I was depressed about being unemployed - he never got angry with me about it. He wanted me to be happy then, just like he does now.



Sorry this isn't your traditional post. We have enough conflict in our lives to bother adding any to our marriage. We celebrated three years of marriage last week and I mentioned, like here, that things aren't perfect in life, but we are still happy and in love. My friend Karla left this comment:

"...Things like that could rip a relationship apart. So, I think it's so encouraging and so awesome that you guys have such a strong loving relationship."

She's right. Things like that could rip a relationship apart. And they do. Many of our trials likely are sources of conflict in relationships. We don't see them that way. We do what we can and move on while loving one another. What good does arguing do over a job search anyway?


13 comments

  1. This is a really nice post! I got married just last April and right now we're going through a lot. Your post really inspired me. I just followed you and I hope to see more posts from you! ^_^

    Lemons and Carnations

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  2. That sounds like a tough time, but glad you got to the other side of it happy and in love :)

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  3. Its awesome to see people staying together & fighting through life's trials together. Too often now a days people give up & get divorced!

    lifeofalittlesongbird.blogpost.com

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  4. How about a round of applause. Yep, got nothing. So I'll just quietly say you go girl. I can't yell cause I'm around people

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  5. This such a sweet post. I think it is important for people to read how things are not always perfect! I hope you have a great day :)

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  6. Congratulations! what a blessing it is to truly be able to work through problems! Keep that attitude and you are sure to have a lasting marriage.

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  7. I like your perspective Bekah! We all can live without conflict if we carry on this postitve attitude. Congratulations on your 3rd Anniversary, I pray it gets even better and better...
    Coming by from DYWW, have a super blessed day!
    Love

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  8. Gosh. So many areas within the last 3 years where one or both of you could have just thrown your hands up and said, "I'm done! I want out!" But you didn't. You kept going. I don't know if you realize how truly inspiring you both are. Honestly. Loved this post to death. =D

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  9. Amen girl! Yall had some really tough moments but God sure did provide! HE always does and always will!

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  10. I'm still in my first year, but I'm already finding out that every hardship or trial really does make you stronger as a couple. You get through it, and then you're on to the next challenge, but every time your relationship makes it through you get this stronger sense of connection and love because you make it through t o g e t h e r.

    Happy three years!

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  11. Happy Anniversary!! My husband and I were married in July o6 so soon will be celebrating our 7th. :) We also eat mainly a vegetarian diet ( some seafood now and then) and he is gluten free.

    New subscriber!! :)

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  12. Ohh, I love this post! So glad you linked up with us and shared this! This type of posts floating around in blogsphere was my main desire when creating the link-up for the other Brides out there! I hope other women feel just as inspired by marriage as I did when reading your post!

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  13. Hey new follower!

    I love this post. It's real.

    I'll be married three years next month. And ya know, it is not always easy.

    We live with my parents in the summer while I finish up grad school. Going on our third and hopefully last summer living with my parents.

    It has not been easy but it's always been good. The hard has been good for our soul, our marriage, our commitment to one another and to God.

    Looking forward to following along some more :)

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